thoughts....

its been forever since ive posted anything really... but i have alot on my mind... alot has been going on and i just need to vent...

This weekend is memorial day... this holiday never really had alot of meaning to me, just a time to get outside and see the fam. Last year for memorial day was the first time i got to see john's head stone... these are the pics from last year.

its been weird with him being buried in Fillmore... i try to stop every time i go down or am passing by... but its never easy. I used to love to go to Fillmore to see my grandparents and cousins, and we never had a trip when John didnt try to get me to win 'first to see Fillmore'... but now its just got a different feel... every time i go i just think of my papa john and how badly i want a hug from him... it makes me feel very lucky to have known him and have him as my dad, cause trust me.. some of you arent near as lucky as i was, your dads are great but mine was the best... which makes me realize the kind of mother i want to be. what kind of impression i want to leave on my son... and people.

Nursing school is kicking my ass... this is not surprising, but its made me think a lot of papa john. to learn how the littlest things lead him down the road he ended up on. to learn how strokes are caused, the effects of Alzheimer's on a person and their families and all the other signs they say to watch for that i saw in my dad for years. i hope that someday this makes me a better nurse by having watched papa john endure all he did, but it also makes me so bitter... john was the best. he always will be. i have two amazing brothers, an incredible sister and a mother that no one could even compare too... and i fully blame john for each of them being so great. my family is my rock. without them i know i wouldnt be able to make it through this life... drey is my direction. i love that boy more than anything. he's who i live for and what im getting my ass kicked in school for.

i love you all.

jami

love this boy....

plus i think he's pretty dang cute.... dont know what i'd do without him...

mona coach pitch

i havent been been a very good blogger lately... so i figured the boys playin coach pitch was something to blog about... we didnt really wanna do T-ball again andJarret is the prez and coaches in the mona coach pitch league so we decided to sign Drey & Porter & their buddy Grant up to go play with Coleman... And as evidenced by the pictures i took... i actually go to Mona once a week (: thanks brother for all you do.

porter beckdreyton j

nerd alert

notice our right handed coach pitching left handed... he suffers from a severe case of pussitis.... (:

A shirt?! REALLY!?!?

I spent this friday on one of my clinicals. We were assigned to go to The Courtyard at Jamestown. Its an assisted living facility. So not sick patients, just ones that require a little help. So when we arrive they need four of us to go the Enhanced Care wing..... Of course i get nominated. At first i stressed, but then they told us it was the Alzheimer's residents. So i was like, Ok, i know this, no big..... or so i thought.

I spent the morning getting my residents up and dressed and showered. . . Some of them had their little apartments decorated with pictures and shadow boxes at their doors, letters and pictures from grandkids and just little knick knacks here and there to help ya figure out what they were like years ago. So the day was going well so far... all the residents meet out in the little common area and have breakfast and do activities and they were just too fun. It was awesome to just spend time talking to them and looking at a book they've already shown you twice, introducing myself a few times, but have almost everyone of them tell me they loved me... So i was doin good. i was proud of myself for handling it that well... Then one of the residents came out, he had apparently stayed up late so they didn't wake him until like 11.. He was wearing a pair of white sneakers, some slick pants, and a striped polo shirt; just like the one that john always used to wear...

REALLY!?!?!?! are you kidding me?...

i mean, it shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. a thousand emotions ran through my brain the rest of the day... Guilt for the days i was impatient. Gratitude for the fact we were able to keep john home. Sad for the residents who didn't have family to come see them... it was just crazy... luckily my shift ended early... so i got in my car and just cried... hadn't done that for awhile... but it was so strange. I thought about papa john most of the day... how funny he was clear up until the end. . . how lucky my siblings and i were to have him as our dad... he was amazing.

so i don't know why i needed to post this, probably didn't, but i just wanted to make sure everyone knows to cherish what they have... you truly never know.

jana might kill me for the picture, but thats the dang shirt.....

Introducing.....

Bella...

MeRrY cHrIsTmAs

I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday...

When is Christmas?

I saw these little notes tucked into one of Jana's presents.... cute.

So i snuck a peek at them...

this is the one that cracked me up... Just in case you forgot when Christmas was Santa... Its on the 25... just in case you happen to come to our house before 25 and read notes too you'll learn when it is.. :)

and yes, Drey's only request this year is a Drumset & Skateboard... of course... I keep telling him Santa doesn't make musical instruments... only violins ... we'll see if it works cause i know santa isn't bringing something to bang and make noise on this year...