thoughts....

its been forever since ive posted anything really... but i have alot on my mind... alot has been going on and i just need to vent...

This weekend is memorial day... this holiday never really had alot of meaning to me, just a time to get outside and see the fam. Last year for memorial day was the first time i got to see john's head stone... these are the pics from last year.

its been weird with him being buried in Fillmore... i try to stop every time i go down or am passing by... but its never easy. I used to love to go to Fillmore to see my grandparents and cousins, and we never had a trip when John didnt try to get me to win 'first to see Fillmore'... but now its just got a different feel... every time i go i just think of my papa john and how badly i want a hug from him... it makes me feel very lucky to have known him and have him as my dad, cause trust me.. some of you arent near as lucky as i was, your dads are great but mine was the best... which makes me realize the kind of mother i want to be. what kind of impression i want to leave on my son... and people.

Nursing school is kicking my ass... this is not surprising, but its made me think a lot of papa john. to learn how the littlest things lead him down the road he ended up on. to learn how strokes are caused, the effects of Alzheimer's on a person and their families and all the other signs they say to watch for that i saw in my dad for years. i hope that someday this makes me a better nurse by having watched papa john endure all he did, but it also makes me so bitter... john was the best. he always will be. i have two amazing brothers, an incredible sister and a mother that no one could even compare too... and i fully blame john for each of them being so great. my family is my rock. without them i know i wouldnt be able to make it through this life... drey is my direction. i love that boy more than anything. he's who i live for and what im getting my ass kicked in school for.

i love you all.

jami